True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
