uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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