So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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