Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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