Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
