I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
