he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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