Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
