Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
