I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
