My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"