just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream