It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
smell my finger.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry