u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes