I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit