I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.