I'm gonna have a badass scar
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered