Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.