Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
