Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
