We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I bet he comes in French.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
