im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
