'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
