white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
