i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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