I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
