If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
