Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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