I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
