Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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