someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
