Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Michael Bay diarrhea
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
