Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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