I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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