i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
