oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
