You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
