my mouth tastes like poor choices
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
