we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We are all done wearing pants today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
