I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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