shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
