he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
