I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
