I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
