Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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