Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
