btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
