This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
