So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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