its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
