I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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