Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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