Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
