hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize