I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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