he was CRYING into my vagina
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
