When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
