Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
