cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
