remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
