his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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