Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
