Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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