I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
