im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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