Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
