YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
