Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
