Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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