your parents love me but you hate me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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