I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
