This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
