let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
