is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
