bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
