dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
