Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
