They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
