My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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