maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
