This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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