The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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