Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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no more duck duck goose at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.