Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And then my night got REAL pukey
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.