U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that