so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.